An interesting topic in the Sunday Star. And yet a topic strangely familiar to all, regardless of whether you are a parent or young adults – as this topic is definitely one that everyone can relates to from any walks of life.
It’s understandable that the Western people voices (or quite literally, “scream”) over their dissatisfaction of this Tiger Mum’s way of raising her children, and at the same time condemn many quarters – from education to the Western way of raising their children. And yet, for people like me whose grew up in a Chinese family (but I must state, mine is pretty much liberal), this is nothing to be upset or to caused an uproar for. And in fact, as upsetting as some of her statements are, this Tiger Mum’s statements aren’t that far from truth.
Let’s look at this. I must admit that some of her ways - such like pushing her kids beyond the limits in practicing their skills to belittling them are NOT the right way to treat the children. But then again, certain disciplines or even punishments are needed to guide kids to the right path. While her ways are very extreme, you can’t deny that it pushes her kids to over-achieve themselves.
While Tigger Mum was at first, intimidated with all the news surrounded this Tiger Mum and her book, she too can’t help but agree on certain things about children these days. I’m not a mum at all, yet I notice how kids to teenagers these days, are all pushing the limits of their parents and at the same time being hard-headed, selfish and rude. I don’t FULLY blame these kids / teenagers for misbehaving. I blame their parents in failing to teaching their children from wrong to right.
I have seen the Western way of up-bringing during my travels (and I’m not IMPRESSED, to say the least), and I also noticed how the media influences the present Asians in up-bringing their kids in the so-called “western way”. Mind you, I don’t fully detest the Western way of bringing-up their children. I must say that I was impressed with some parents, that while they do not hit their children, they are able to impose punishments to discourage bad behaviors. Yet, I’m seeing less of that – and more on pampering the kids to the max and just literally, let them have their way. And yes, I am very much blaming the media on that for these are the exact message sent out from movies, advertisements and more.
So anyway, let’s look at some of these examples that I’ll be sharing here based on real-life experiences of my own and shared by fellow friends. Here I will list these kids (and teenagers) of their races – just to prove my point that this happens to all races, without being racist.
Story 1: My family with my grandma (except for me) went for a holiday in UK visiting my sisters. I was told by my grandma that while she was climbing up the stairs to my sis’ apartment, a white kid threw cans at her and sniggered “You yellow skin don’t belong here!” from inside his home. Even when my mum and dad followed from behind her, he continued with his truant and showed his tongue then went back in to his TV (I assume). My grandma was very upset and I feel for her. She was almost 90 years old then.
Story 2: While at the UK airport, my family witnesses yet another outrageous (and amusing, for me) another scene. A young white boy (no more than 5 years old) threw his tantrum in public by literally stomping on the ground, had his back on the floor, kicked, wailed and glided his butt around. Yes, every single parent’s nightmare of a scene. And these white people who were around actually commented, “Oh my, that boy is so cute!” while smiling from ear to ear watching him. Excuse me but, what is so CUTE about a kid throwing his tantrum in public and mentally abusing his parents?
Story 3: My aunt and her family has been in UK since her marriage and even worked until they own and manage their own restaurant. One day, my uncle caught a white teenager stealing from his shop which he gave chase on. He too, grabbed unto a baseball bat trying to scare this teenager from ever returning to steal again. But, the teenager did return only with his attorney and the police. While he admits to being a thief, he also sued my uncle for intending to cause him harm with the baseball bat. I must say I’m IMPRESSED with their protection laws over the children.
Story 4: A family friend was initially residing somewhere in Europe (I’m guessing, New Zealand) with her husband and her toddler son. While she was out walking with her son in his stroller, they stopped by a café for tea. Somehow, her son misbehaved and she slapped his hand and told him to behave. Then a white lady, who was nearby scolded her, “Don’t do that to a child! You will cause him to have a possible impairment for the rest of his life!” over his palm being slapped. Wow.
While I am amazed with the Whites (Americans, British – all ‘guai lohs’ in general) in up-bringing their kids with the highest self-regard and self-belief, however when it comes to matter of disciplining or righting the wrongs done and even educating their kids – they failed miserably in my eyes.
Perhaps it’s their culture, and definitely it’s their “over-protective” human rights on the children. While I agree that some children are abused with excessive use of rotans or any form of physical punishment – whether the children deserve it or not; but you can’t deny that some form of punishment is necessary for their up-bringing. Since when did a few strokes of rotan or slaps cause one to have “trauma” for the rest of their life? You want to talk trauma, let’s look at rape victims. These victims are robbed out of their trust towards people, self-esteem, self-value and more; yet what do the criminals get (if they were caught at all)? A few ‘lovely’ years spent behind bars with a roof over their head and their needs being taken care off with the public funds, because we need to treat them like humans with rights. How fucked up is that?
Once, China passes a law that states that the parents of a criminal who committed crimes too will be punished by the law – to which many people in China and around the world causes a huge uproar over, as parents can’t be blamed for the wrongs that their children did. I agreed with the idea behind the law, up to a certain degree as I believe that parents are to nurture and teach their children from young – however they can’t exactly be put to blame for all things that their children did. There are good parents, and their kids sometimes gone astray – then who are to be blamed?
The Whites will loathes the Asians’ mentality and strict punishment saying that its inhuman to treat people (regardless of their crime) in sometimes gruesome manner, you can’t really deny the effectiveness it holds over the people. But then again, question on whether it helps or worsens the situation is another discussion altogether as ‘fear’ is not exactly the best solution to anything. Of course, certain laws in some countries are biased and unfair, and that too will be discussed in a separate blog.
Back on the topic, I recall a particular movie about a White man in China, who was accused of committing a murder, was being put on trial. China, being a man-dominated country with no or little respect for women (whether they are capable or not), were being mean especially to the White man’s Chinese female lawyer because 1) she’s a woman, and 2) she’s helping a foreigner in his case. There was an argument between the White man and his lawyer, which he complains or states that “China is being too strict or inhuman in its law, where for crime committed, a huge or heavy penalty awaits its criminals – death for murder, kidnap and such” while supporting USA laws, to which the Chinese lady replied “And yet, the crimes committed here are so much less than those committed in your great country”. He was left speechless then and there. Both parties argues some rather fine points, which further points how some balance in laws (or any other matter) are needed without being an extreme on either end to benefit the people themselves.
Now I shall continue with real-life scenarios in Malaysia, Singapore, China:
Story 5: Sis and I were walking around in the shopping mall while mum went looking for her things. For a brief moment, sis stopped and glared at a Malay kid who just ran off and complained, “That bloody kid KICKED me!”. We didn’t think much of it and continued on. In just a span of a few minutes, this kid came back and KICKED my sis again right in front of me while I shouted, “HEY!” and he giggled and ran off again. At this time, both of us were visibly frustrated and angered. And guess what, this time he came back and he KICKED again (I was on the verge of slapping or kicking him back – I was just about 15 or so, sis was 4 years younger) and HIS MOTHER was just right behind him! I glared at her, she just held on her son who was still kicking my sis at this point and glared back at me and just walked off. Just like that. So much for being a MOTHER. *spit*
Story 6: When I was around 16 years old, I notice that my Chinese neighbor’s son (my age) will bring home his girlfriend (a year or two younger) on any occasion – regardless whether the parents are home or not. Within the same year, this girl moved into the household. Mind you, they are both still schooling. In case you are wondering – yes, the parents allowed the girl to move-in and the father, in fact was so proud of his son that he was literally boasting it out to other neighbors. I don’t get it, if you ask me. But one thing for sure, this area that I’m in has a high rate of underage girls getting pregnant and ended up married and dropped out of school – this is an issue for all races here. I blame these on the parents and teachers for choosing to be ignorant towards this matter and just shrugged their shoulders and said, “They are old enough to know what is right and wrong. Thus, it’s their choice.” How are they supposed to know what they suppose to know when they are not taught on the basis of their action? Telling them it’s wrong to do it without discussing the issue does not sum up to them being educated on it.
Story 7: While I was queuing up to pay to purchase my ticket from the machine in MRT, Singapore – an Indian girl in her teens just jumped right in front of me and started fiddling with the machine. A little stunned, I choose to just ignore the fact that she cuts the queue and allow her to continue. I didn’t see much benefit in making a fuss as I wasn’t in a hurry, and also, I’m not in the mood to screw people up and down. Within seconds, her WHOLE family barged in with the mother, father, brother and a little sister. I was more amused than being angered. “So this is how the parents teach their kids these days,” I said aloud to my friend next to me. Since they were thick-skinned enough to cut my queue, of course they ignore me (or maybe they don’t understand me). Either way, I regretted not taking a picture. It would have made a good story in STOMP or something.
Story 8: When Hong Kong Disneyland opened, my family and aunt’s family (minus the husbands) visits within the year or so. Unfortunately for us, it was filled to the brimmed with China people as it was some special holiday. Lucky for me, the weather is well below zero degree – so no sweaty smells can get its way around. It was the first time for me to meet these China people during their holiday and it’s NOT pleasant at all, to say the least. They were rude, they made a mess by throwing rubbish on the ground (despite bins being provided in every corner), they cut queues, and my list will go on and on. Purpose of this story is to prove that NOT all the Chinese families teach or educate their children like Tiger mum, for if they did, perhaps there will be more well-behaved China people on their holidays. Maybe it’s the culture that we lived in are different, but I was expecting better behave people than those I met. Of course, it’s not only the China peeps. I met some really rude blacks, whites, browns… just shows that it’s more than just the culture, it’s the up-bringing.
I could continue on and on, on this matter alone but I would say I make more than enough arguments or points with such a LONG post written. To summarize the “Tiger Mum vs Tigger Mum” – I would love to have a balance of both. It’s not easy, but nothing is easy after all. Especially in bringing up kids in these days and time.
